I Run, For Life!

A few words of warning:
It came out to be over 1200 words long, but it’s nothing in comparison to 27 years!

Lublin, December 2005

The Eighties

I was born in Poland on a cold February afternoon in 1982. I learnt to write and read quite early, before the proper kindergarten or school training. That probably explains why I hold my pen ‘the wrong way.’ I also received a lower grade for writing the letter A repetitively on the whole sheet of paper in kindergarten, because I didn’t follow the rules. To me, my A was a very proper A, but that day I learnt that you’re not always rewarded for your efforts if you don’t stick to the rules.

When I was about 7 my parents signed me up for piano lessons, probably because every time we would go on a trip I would sing on the top of my lungs in the car, without the help of a radio. I hijacked trains with my voice too. I loved music from the early age, blame it on my mom’s brother, my godfather (he likes me to call him Don Corleone). He was 20 when I was born and I spent a lot of time with him and his vinyl records. I still remember lyrics to songs we used to sing to in the ’80s. And if you look through my baby and toddler photos, you can see me sitting at a piano at my grandma’s house pretending that I actually knew what I was doing.

The Nineties

With the Berlin Wall gone, I decided that it was time for me to learn English. Or my jealousy did - I overheard my school friends saying “How are you?” and “Thank you” to each other and I had to know how to say that too! Since we were free to use our passports as we pleased now, I got myself one and headed to the British Isles at the ripe age of fourteen. The trip was short and mainly educational in nature, but spending 10 days in the English coastal town of Hastings planted in me the seed of saying good-bye to my homeland and living among the Anglo-Saxons one day.

(Other times I kept playing the piano and later got a taste of something more daring, the alto saxophone. I also learnt to love the art of macrame and got to visit Norway to show my work there. Little did I know that my visit to a glacier would plant yet another seed - my love for the bare landscapes of Scandinavia, Scotland and the greatest love of all, Iceland.)

The New Millennium

That day came in 2002 when I transferred from the University of Warsaw to a small college in Erie, Pennsylvania. During the four years I spent there I got my share of snow, wind and the great friendships. In my last year of college I changed my major from Intelligence Studies to good old History and then extended my stay for one more year to complete Russian Studies.

All nice and sweet, but where is ‘a real job’ in these disciplines? I thought I needed one, so when I moved back to Europe and landed in London, I got myself a position at a coffee shop as a temporary way to pay the bills on my way to this ‘real job’. From there I graduated to an office job in a young internet company and learnt some online marketing there, which helped me to get an online marketing position at an e-commerce agency.

After about a month I started looking for a way out. I didn’t enjoy it. Well now, you say… I had just started! I could’ve at least held out for a year, or at least 9 months, right? And so I did. I turned in my notice in my 9th month of working there. A few weeks later I was in Brazil.

My Job Fiasco

I lasted 9 months in my last job, and 9 months in my previous job and 9 months in one before that… Hmm, do you see the pattern? The patterns is that 9 months is how long I can keep myself doing something I do not enjoy. Don’t get me wrong - I was a good employee! An excellent one sometimes too… I tried to be dedicated and at times I even fooled myself that this was indeed what I wanted to do with my life.

I couldn’t fool myself for long (9 months is long enough!), but instead of taking the plunge and doing what I really wanted to do, I would just change the job to another one which I didn’t want to do so much either. The problem was not my current job, but what I thought my job should be; or rather, what my job shouldn’t be.

I’ve always had a craving for disciplines that are not traditionally lucrative, like writing, music or academics, unless you happen to be a one-in-a-million creative genius. I thought it was all or nothing: you are either a star or you have to find yourself ‘a real job’. I didn’t consider myself a Charlie Parker or the next Hemingway, so I decided to ditch what I loved and get into the real business.

In the jungle

My heart was never in the ‘real business’ though. The excitement from getting into a new job would always quickly evaporate and I would be left unsettled every time. It was quite a stressful and exhausting experience. The tipping point came in the fall of 2008 when I was chatting on Gmail (at work… go figure) with my friend. He asked me if I wanted to go to Brazil for the World Social Forum in January 2009. I said ‘yes’ and I handed in my notice in December.

I didn’t have to quit - I could’ve continued working and requested a few days off for the length of the Forum. I thought about that, but the temptation of using the Forum as my excuse to quit… Hmm, if I was going to travel all the way to the Brazilian Amazon, why couldn’t I just stay there a little longer than a few days? I mean, it’s logical, right?

The chicken dance is over!

So off I went and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. The Amazon is truly gorgeous and all the fresh fruit I tasted was, for the vegan like me, a miracle in my mouth! It was also an important lesson of relying only on myself during my last 10 days there: I managed to travel to different places in the state of Para by myself and not get lost! True, it was quite stressful at times and my hands were a bit achy from the gesticulation as I do not speak Portuguese (or Spanish, which would have been so helpful!), but I was more than happy that I’d done it.

I left Brazil and landed in the United States to spend another month travelling, mostly with my fantastic (!) boyfriend who is staying in Utah for a while. I also visited my dear friends from college whom I haven’t seen for about 3 years in most cases. Oh what a trip that was! I came back to Europe energized and ready to act.

My chicken dance is over, kids. I’m going to love myself and let myself do what I love to do, even if I might not be a star (yet).

I am a writer

I am a runner

What are your affirmations?

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– Ola